534. Completely rewrite the subtitles to classic foreign movies and then release them as the real thing on file-sharing websites.
Yet another week goes by in my life life without much forward momentum. I’m waiting to hear from IATSE about whether or not I can get a permit to work in the film and television industry in Toronto. If that happens I may have a sense of stability in my life for awhile. I can come back to a city that I love, full of my oldest friends and collaborators, with years of experience showing, working, and making art in New York that no one has seen. But it’s also a city that hasn’t historically been good to me. I was never able to make a comfortable living there, and never felt like the Toronto art scene particularly wanted me around. It’s hard for me to escape the feeling of permanent under-achievement when I’m there, even though I’m always running into people that actually want me around, people that seem excited to see me. So I’ll wait on this permit. If it happens I’ll return to Toronto with a feeling of pride for what I’ve accomplished since. I’ll be able to see moving back as the logical choice for someone who wants a career in entertainment.
If it doesn’t happen I’m at a bit of a loss. My heart is telling me Montreal, and has been for years. It’s cheap and romantic and loves artists. But I don’t speak french, and I don’t know how I would support myself. I could go back to New York, where I can make money and do work I’m excited about, but every craigslist post I see convinces me more that New York is a theme-park version of what it used to be. Or maybe there’s an artists commune out there somewhere, where I can work on my art and pretend to believe in things.